i am about to do my confirmation, but now i am having some serious doubts. i feel that god is not living up to all of his promises. all of my life i have attended catholic convent schools and have learnt that god is just and that he takes care of those who listen to his word and seek his help, but now that i analyze my life i realize just how unfair it is and that i have come out with a raw deal. of course there are things i have that i feel eternally grateful for, like my amazing parents and not being out on the street, but i still feel so sad. i have nothing to live for. im really bored. i spend each day cooking for the family, cleaning, going to school for a few hours and watching tv. i know im the blacksheep of the family. i always have a black cloud over me. i know god is up there watching me but hes just not reacting to my crisis and doing something to fix my situation. i pray for a sign each day just to convince myself that god really cares, but none come to me. i have done the 54 day novena where you pray to mary and god to help you and say the rosary whenever im not too tired from crying. i just turned 17. at the age of 8 i developed eczema/dermatitis and this left me with dark patches all over my skin. it didnt really bother me as a child but now as a teen its ive comw to know it for the curse it really is. i have two sisters one older one younger. both beautiful with eczema free skin. my elder sister is 19 but she looks like shes 16. i am 17 but i look 23/24(thats what people say when they see us together). to a teenage girl hearing this is like a sentece to eternal damnation. i am fat an it isnt my fault because as a child to try to rid me of my ailments i had to take medication that made me gain weight. no matter how much i try i cant drop the offending weight. im really into fashion and dressing well but i cant because of my horrendous body. my sister on the other hand has a fabulous body and has boys hounding day in and day out. she doesnt really pay much attention to god yet look at how blessed she is. i live in long sleeve turtle necks because i look like a dalmation. me, my sister and my cousin go to the same school but they just ignore me the whole time while there, then when we get home thats when they talk to me so that my mom wont shout. i feel sick to my stomach because i have nowhere to escape to, and as god hasnt blessed me with any friends i have no one to talk to and spend all my days in the prison i call home. i have been bullied so many times at school because of the way i look, walk, talk, and even because of my race which hurts the most. every single person in that school ignores me yet they talk to my sister and cousin right in front of me to rub it in my face. the teachers dont do anything. i cant even walk straight and upright because my heart hurts that much. i could go on and on but i know that it might bore you.
please just tell me why god is doing this to me? and why i am so stupid that i still believe that he is up there watching me, protecting me and that he will make everything all right. i am not without sin i have dabled in satanism and i threw away my rosary, but only because god wont answer me. i really am sorry for all the sins i have committed, really. what i cant understand is why god blesses people who are bad and ignores the ones who need him the most. ive tried talking to my priest but he hasnt helped and my parents ive talked to them about a million times but theyre too busy with their own problems. they only person i have is god and he is ignoring. ive read your website and most people seeking your help have only suffered for a year or so i have been suffering for 7 years. why is life so unfair? i know boyfriends and clothes and movies arnt important but it would be nice to have them wouldnt it? why does god create racism and gangs and descrimination and bad stuff? why? why did he make me the way i am? i cant even look at myself in the mirror i feel so disgusted. my parents pray and believe in god wholeheartedly and have never strayed away like i have yet they are almost never happy. where is the justice in that? i wish i could just get away and forget the painful past and present and be surrounded by people who love me and will be there for me. i just want to be happy like all the teenage girls i see. i wish i could be one of them.
i beg you to try and answer me, for who else will i turn to. help me to understand why god is punishing. please just help me because no one else will and death is looking like the only solution to me now.
My response is in Green:
Well you might not like my answer but since you asked I am going to tell you.
First the problem is that you don't truly understand who you are and who God is. Until you come to truly understand that you can't possibly understand this world very well. I am going to be very honest with you so I hope you understand that and don't get offended by what I say, but I believe it is the truth.
You are Catholic, but that means nothing, all that matters is your PERSONAL relationship with Jesus Christ. You said you have prayed to Mary and said the rosary, well those are worthless too. Let me show you through God's word:
1 Tim. 2:5-6 For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,  who gave himself as a ransom for all men--the testimony given in its proper time. [NIV]
See praying to Mary is a waste of time and so is saying the rosary, the only prayer that means anything is when you personally talk to Jesus. He is the one who died for your sins, no one else did:
Acts 4:12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." [NIV]
No one else can save you, no church, no priest, not Mary, no one else other than Jesus Christ. You might be asking why this is important, well the reason is that until you understand who your savior really is and what He did for you, you can't understand this life.
You and I and every other human being has sinned, not one including Mary lived a sinless life, in fact look at what Mary says herself:
Luke 1:46-47 And Mary said:
"My soul glorifies the Lord  and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, [NIV]
If Mary never sinned she would not need a savior, yet she did and she acknowledges Jesus as her savior too. So we have all sinned and all sin is a sentence to hell, because that is called the second death, or in other words spiritual death, separation from God and His love. God can't just forget our sins, because His holy nature demands punishement for sins, but yet He loves us and didn't want to send us to hell, so He sent His only Son, Jesus to earth as a human to live a sinless life and die in our place. Not just physical death on the cross but also spiritual death to pay for our sins. This He did and thereby paid for our sins, now if we believe that He did what He did and we ask Him to forgive us He will and we will go to heaven.
My point to this is that Christ has already given you the most wonderful gift in all creation and that is forgiveness for your sins. You didn't deserve it, you deserve to spend eternity in torment, just like everyone else of us does.
You asked why God would create racism etc... the problem is that you are mistaken, God didn't create those things. All He did was give us free will to act as we choose and we, being evil at heart, created much evil. Yes disease come into the world because of man's sins also. This is all the consequences of sin. God isn't punishing you, if you have a personal relationship with Christ then your sins have been forgiven and there is nothing to punish, if you don't have a personal relationship with Christ then you have a lot more worries then just a skin problem or looking older then you really are.
I am sorry that you have these problems, but to blame God for them is to misunderstand who He is. I wrote a whole article on this subject if you would like to read it: http://www.behindthebadge.net/articles/a83.html It explains why God allows evil to continue in this world.
So should you continue to believe in Jesus? It is up to you, but you need to look at eternity not this life. Where do you want to spend eternity? That is the question, only God can save you from your sins, no one else can so if you lose faith in Him, guess what? You will pay for your own sins. That is not a good thing.
Will things get better for you? I am sure they will, but I can't guarantee that, no one can, but God isn't a genie in the sky just waiting to do our bidding and make us happy, we deserve death and He has offered us life. We need to truly understand that, then life will be in the right perspective.
E-Mail Ralph (whose comments are in green)
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