I read your testimony and appreciate your candor. I too, live in hell right now as I write. I've completely given up on God because he's completely given up on me. I once was a Christian and even played guitar on the worship team, but my spiritual life is over now and I can't see where God exists anymore. This is an example of how I feel and I am sure I am going to Hell for it:
If God is in control of everything, then everything (all problems) must be his fault. If God is in control, them why is there no control in the world, only chaos. And why does God favor (and I mean favor) the rich, when the rest of the world suffers without hope? I just can't understand it nor can I have any respect for God in this capacity.
As for me, I am an educated, compassionate individual who is just trying to make a living and find gainful employment and get out of debt. I don't profess to be holy or spiritual but I try to do right regarding my fellow man. I don't think wanting to make a living or getting out of debt is too much to ask for, but I am sure God does. That's why he hates me. Thank you for listening, please respond and post this email, I am confident others are experiencing the same.
My response is in Green:
I am not trying to pick on you, but I hear this kind of thing all the time, and it makes me wonder what being a Christian means anymore. At the very least it makes me wonder what the churches are teaching these days.
Here is my problem with the idea that you were a Christian and yet have these questions. I will start with your very first statement that if God is in control of everything then... Is God ultimately in control? Sure, but does that mean that He exercises control every day and in every way? No He doesn't. He gave us free will and we as a race rejected Him and we suffer for that rejection.
Romans 1:21-32 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools  and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.  They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen.
 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
 Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.  They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,  slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;  they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.  Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
Romans 5:12 Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned--
So whose fault is the chaos in the world? It isn't God's fault, unless you want to blame Him for giving us free will.
Then you make the statement that God favors the rich. Really? Have you read a Bible? Again I am not trying to pick on you, but you seem to have no idea what the Bible says. Let me quote two passages:
Mark 8:34-37 Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.  What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?  Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?
Your answer seems to be money! But let me quote the second passage and then comment more:
Matthew 19:23-24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
So God favors the rich? I wonder how many rich people when they end up in hell will think that God favored them and if they think He did who among them wouldn't gladly exchange their past life for the existence of a beggar that really knew God?
So although there is pain and suffering in this world because of man's sin and rejection of God, God still loves us and still offers us salvation:
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
This life is about one thing and only one thing and that is being reconciled to God. Then after this life we will live a life the way it is suppose to be:
Rev. 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
But it appears you either never understood any of that or you don't care about the future only being rich and happy now. You better ask yourself is being rich and happy now a price you are willing to pay for your soul? The sad part is that you aren't even happy or rich now, so in fact you are trading your soul just to be angry at the one being that could help you. Sorry, that doesn't make much sense to me.
E-Mail Ralph (whose comments are in green)
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