What am I doing wrong?

Hello .. I am 20 years old. I am pregnant. Me and my boyfriend split up about 3 weeks after I found out I was going to have a baby. Although before I was pregnant he wanted to have a child. Now he doesn't seem to care and he doesn't want anything to do with me. There has been nights and days that I have sit and cried and wondered what to do.. The other night I thought about Jesus. When I went to bed I started praying .. I started crying and I asked God if he would help me I asked him to forgive me to stand beside me and guide me in the right direction. I prayed for about 10 min with tears and pain flowing... Well I ended the prayer and I cried myself to sleep. The next day I kept think that everything would be better because he would be there with me right beside me.. But I was wrong... I don't know what I did wrong. I feel like there is no hope that Jesus will never help me. I have been saved before and it was the most peaceful feeling that I have ever felt. That feeling wasn't there. I don't know how to ask him for his hand or to get him in my life like I said I prayed that he would forgive me and all that.. What am I doing wrong?

My response is in Green:

Thank you for writing me. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am going to answer your question to the best of my ability, but I want you to know up front that my answer will be blunt. I figure you really want a truthful answer or you would not have written me.

We do not always immediately feel like something changed when we confess our sins. You said that you asked God to help you and forgive you. That is great if you really meant it. Are you really sorry for what you did because it is a sin against God or are you sorry that things turned out the way they did? There is a big difference. Also are you calling out to God because you are in trouble or because you realize that you have sinned against Him and need His forgiveness? Again there is a big difference. Every time we sin it is an offense against God. We may have to deal with the earthly consequences of our sin and that may make us want to call out to God for help, but the earthly consequences are nothing compared to the death sentence we put ourselves under by sinning in the first place against a holy God. If we are truly sorry for what we have done and ask God to forgive us, He will, but that does not mean that we will then not have to face the earthly consequences of our sin.

My point is this; did you cry out to God because your boyfriend left you alone and pregnant, or because in your heart you know that you have sinned against God? Secondly, are you coming to God because you now want to serve Him, or because you want Him to get you out of this mess? See it is all about attitude. God sees our hearts and He knows why we are sorry or even if we are sorry. He is faithful and He will help you and He will forgive you, but you will still have to face this pregnancy. The great news is that you don't have to face it alone. God will walk with you. You may not feel it right away, but you can be sure He is there.

You said you have been saved before. That is great but it shows me that maybe you are just like I once was. I asked Jesus to save me a long time ago too, but you know what, I did it so that I would not go to hell when I died. I did not really do it because I loved God and wanted to serve Him, I was scared and just wanted to be sure I would go to heaven. That is the wrong reason. I still believe that He forgave me and that He saved me, but I soon stumbled and walked away. Kind of like where you are now. When I came back to Jesus, I had to admit that I never really loved Him before, because if I had loved Him I never would have done some of the things I did. When I realized that I became very sad. He died for me, yet I spit in His face by my actions. I asked Him to keep me out of hell but to let me do anything I wanted to do. That is wrong and that kind of life leads to death.

I believe with all my heart that if you are truly sorry for what you have done, not just sorry that you are in a mess now, and you ask Him to forgive you and be Lord of your life, He will. Being Lord of your life means that every time you want to do something you look at it through His eyes. Would He approve? If not then you ask Him to help you and you don't do it. You live a good life not because you have to but because you want to, because you love Him. Then you will start growing and find that peace and safety that He offers. If all you want is for Him to get you out of one more mess so you can then go back to doing what you want, it won't work. You need to take a close look at your own heart and decide, do you want to live for Him or for yourself? He won't share you, not even with yourself. This is a hard lesson to learn, but let's face it if you had learned it before you would not be in this mess now.

Okay now that I have ragged on you, let me try to give you some hope and encouragement. First you need to turn your life over to Christ, admit you have sinned and made a mess of your life. Then you need to get into a church where other Christians can help and support you. Jesus calls all the believers on earth His church. He does that for a reason, it is because we need each other. We need to be taught by others, we need the support of others, we need the encouragement of others and we need the accountability that comes from other believers being in our lives. There are no short cuts.

(1 John 1:9 NIV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

We need to confess our sins, not our problems. I will pray for you. Talk to God, just sit down and talk to Him like you would a friend. That is what He wants from you a personal relationship. He loves you, He showed that on the cross, now He wants you to love Him too.



E-Mail Ralph (whose comments are in green)

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