I can't find where the Bible says it is wrong to have same sex intimate relationships.

I'm 22. Have been a Christian since I was in 4th Grade. Molested when I was in 2nd and 3rd grade. Since then, I think... I started having homosexual feelings. When I turned 21... I had many sexual encounters. I regreted doing that but I don't know why I'm longing to have a relationship with a guy... more than just friends and this has been my constant struggle. I've been searching answers in the Bible but I can't find anywhere if it's wrong to have a same sex intimate relationship... This has been the question I have been longing to be answered.

My best friend... is currently struggling about her purpose here in others. She thinks she doesn't belong here. She feels like she's suppose to be in heaven. I told her that whatever it is, God did give her a purpose that's why she's here. She's looking at the world for answers. She tries to assure herself that she'll be alright. But I told her, everything she has in her mind is just full of uncertainty. Why can't she be sure with God? She can't comprehend. I told her whatever she's feeling right now and in the future, God already knows. That's why God sent his only son, Jesus Christ so God may know how we really feel, suffer, the pain were going through. Now, I don't know what she's thinking but I ended the conversation saying that I've planted a seed and I'll let that seed grow and I'm sure of that. We parted ways and she said she can't handle it. We do see each other and hopefully this sunday again. I just thought I'd share this to you because I just want to share it to you. Redundant, yes but I'm also hoping that you can help me with this.

My response is in Green:

I guess I am not totally sure what you are asking me. If you are asking me if being a homosexual is condemned in the Bible I can answer that. Yes it is. It is a sin just like any other sin. You said you could not find where it said that so I will show you.

(Romans 1:25-28 NIV) They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen. {26} Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. {27} In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. {28} Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.

(Leviticus 18:22 NIV) "'Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable."

As you see God does say that same sex sexual relationships are wrong. They are a sin. I will be blunt with you. It was wrong that you were molested but that does not give you an excuse for sin. We are all tempted in one way or another and if we follow through with that it is sin. If you were not being tempted to have sex with someone of the same sex then you would be tempted to do something else which was a sin.

Sin is an offense against God, no matter what the sin is. (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV) No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. The reason I bring this all up is that it matters how you think about this temptation. You can find hundreds of people who will tell you that this is not your fault because you were molested. They are only half right. It is not your fault that you are having these temptations but it is your fault and yours alone if you give in to them.

I am sure I sound hard and unforgiving, but this is black and white. All sin is an offense against God and He demands death to all those who sin against Him. He also understands our struggles and will help us, but as I just quoted He says that you will never be tempted beyond what you can bear.

There is a secret here. Jesus must not only be your Savior He must be your Lord too. If He is not in control of your life, then you will not be able to resist the devil and run from temptation. I found this out in my own life. I struggled with sin. I loved God deeply and I would pray that He would help me resist and not sin, but I retained control of my life. It wasn't until I fell flat on my face before God and admitted that I could not do it with out Him that I was able to give control over and stop sinning. God will not force you to give Him complete control of your life, but that is the only way you will be able to lead the life you know you need to lead. Remember it is not wrong to be tempted it is what you do after you are tempted that counts.

I must disagree with you about what you told your friend. God sent His only Son to die for our sins because we are all under a death sentence and will spend eternity in hell without His shed blood covering our sins. God is all knowing and totally understands our struggles and our pain and would have understood if Jesus had never taken on a human body. I understand what you were trying to say, but it is an important difference. Jesus came to earth for one purpose to be our sacrificial sin offering. A by product of that is that we know He truly understands us and our pain and our struggles, but we should remember He created us, He already understood.

Tell your friend that if God wanted her in heaven she would not take another breath and there would be nothing she could do about it. If God gives her one more breath in this life it is because He wants her to live and He wants her to serve Him.

I agree with her feelings about not belonging here. In fact God agrees: (1 Peter 2:11 NIV) Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. If we have Jesus as our Savior we will feel like strangers in this world, but we have to ask ourselves why God does not rapture us out of this world the moment we accept Christ as our Savior? The answer is simple, so we can witness to others. If we search and search for the meaning of our life here in this earth and never think about God's will or His kingdom we will never find our meaning.

I want to give you an example from the book of Ezekiel. Ezekiel was a faith prophet for God. He did everything God asked him to do, yet look what happened: (Ezekiel 24:16-18 NIV) "Son of man, with one blow I am about to take away from you the delight of your eyes. Yet do not lament or weep or shed any tears. {17} Groan quietly; do not mourn for the dead. Keep your turban fastened and your sandals on your feet; do not cover the lower part of your face or eat the customary food of mourners." {18} So I spoke to the people in the morning, and in the evening my wife died. The next morning I did as I had been commanded.

Wow think about that. Not only did God take his wife, whom he loved away, but He told him that he was not to shed tears over it. Now why would God treat him like that? See that is a very human question, because we always think our comfort and our wants and likes are the most important think in the universe. The reason God did that was revealed in the next few verses because it was a sign to all of Israel. The point I am trying to make is this; God has a purpose and sometimes that purpose will entail things that we don't personally enjoy or like, but if we trust God and love Him then we will put His will above our own. If we don't love and trust Him then we will question His motives at every step and we will be miserable.

Your friend should decide if she loves God enough to do what He wants her to do or if she loves herself more and wants to just do what she wants to do. The problem is that it comes down to the same old question, who is Lord of our life? Us or God? There is no middle ground, and the sad thing is that we will never be truly happy until we allow God to have control of all of our life, not just the little parts we are willing to give up. That is why Jesus said: (Matthew 16:24 NIV) Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." The people Jesus was speaking to understood exactly what He was saying. We tend to think of the cross in romantic thoughts because our salvation was bought there, but to the people Jesus was talking to it was a form of capital punishment. It would be like Him telling us to take up our electric chair and follow Him. He meant for the person who wants to follow Him to be willing to put themselves to death (not physically). Or in other words to put their feelings and wants and desires second to His. Our old self must die so that we can live in Christ.

This is a lesson many people never seem to learn and they spend their entire life frustrated and not understanding why they struggle to get closer to God. He seems distant to them, but it is because SELF is standing between them and a true relationship with God.

It is not easy to give God control even when you finally decide that is what you want to do. It is something that you have to do day after day. We are evil at heart and we will constantly try to take back control. However, the more we give it back to God the easier it becomes. We allow Him to run our lives and it becomes easier to resist temptation and to live the kind of life He wants for us. We become over comers.

You said your friend was looking for answers in the world. Well God addresses that too: (Jeremiah 17:5-9 NIV) This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. {6} He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. {7} "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. {8} He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." {9} The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

Did you notice that the answer for both you and your friend is the same thing? Give control of your life to God and allow Him to be Lord of your life. You won't regret it.



E-Mail Ralph (whose comments are in green)

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