I'm a cutter and don't think God still loves me

I like your suicide page, because I've been thinking about it for a while. I tried it a couple of times. I read the page and it stopped me from tying it again. I have been a cutter for five years now. I got help last year but now I can't trust that person any more because he is accusing me of something I did not do. I never trusted anyone before and now I will not for a while and maybe never.

Hi thanks for writing me. I am glad that God helped you with my suicide page. I would like to help you if I can. I will tell you something right up front; no matter who the person is if they are human they will let you down eventually. I am included in that because I am human; however, I know someone who will never let you down. That is Jesus Christ.

I want to talk to you about suicide and cutting, but I must tell you right up front that those are not diseases they are symptoms of the disease. Do you have a empty feeling and a feeling of despair? Those are normal, everyone has them. Many people try to fill those empty places in their lives with drugs, sex, alcohol, suicide, you name it. Some of the things even seem to help for a short time, but the emptiness will always come back. Believe me; been there, done that... It took me a long time to realize what was missing in my life; Jesus Christ. He loves you and me and wants to have a relationship with us, but we stand in the way of that by the things we do.

Now in case you have never thought about who Jesus is let me quickly go over it. He is God's Son. When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden of Eden, that broke off the relationship between mankind and God. God is holy and cannot stand to be around sinful beings. Yet He loved us and wanted to have a relationship with us. Being holy, He could not just forgive and forget the sin. His holy nature demanded payment for mankind's sin. So He did what we as humans think of as unthinkable, He paid the price Himself; He sent Jesus to die for our sins. Now Jesus is back in heaven with the Father and all we have to do to have a relationship with him is to ask Him to forgive us. It is that simple, yet it is life changing. It will fill that hole you have in your heart. Will all your problems go away that day? Probably not, but you will never be alone or feel empty again, because God will be with you.

Now to the suicide and cutting. You will find that I am a very blunt person, so I hope you don't take offense at anything I say. Satan would like nothing better than for you to kill yourself. Why? Well if you kill yourself you will never have that relationship with God. See we have free will as long as we have breath in our lungs. But once we are dead our fate is sealed for eternity, so if Satan can get a person to kill themselves it is all over for that person. As far as cutting goes, I have a theory about that too. God tells Christians that their bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. In other words that the Holy Spirit lives in us. Before Jesus' death the Jews has a temple where they went to worship God and where they believed God would meet them. We don't have to find a building because when we ask Jesus to forgive us He sends the Holy Spirit to live in us. That is another reason that we are never alone, He is always with us. Satan hates God so why wouldn't he want a person to cut themselves, they are mutilating the temple of God! Even if they are not Christians, if Satan can get them to destroy themselves he has won.

I don't believe you will ever be free from the cutting or the thoughts of suicide until you get right with God. He loves you and wants to help you, but you have to trust Him and ask Him to help you. I will pray for you, but again it is not something I can do for you, you have to do it. Just pray and ask Him to help you and ask Him to forgive you for your sins. If you have a Bible read it. Start by reading the book of John it is the fourth book in the New Testament.

I hope I helped a little bit. Remember too, that your sin is not any worse then mine were or anyone else's. Satan might try to tell you that God cannot love you, but he is a liar. God does love you, you can take that to the bank.

I walked away from being a Christian because I think that God couldn't help me and he would let me down like every one else has before. Plus I started to cut myself and I thought he would not love me anymore. Well, no one has before but that's really ok with me now. I still believe that he died for us and he was a real person.

Thanks for replying. I understand what happened to you, but I think it is sad, because Jesus is the only one who won't let you down and the only one who can help you. You can never do anything that will cause God to quit loving you.

Here is an interesting bit about the Bible. In Matthew the Bible gives the genealogy of Jesus. Now since Jesus was God's Son and has been around since eternity past, He does not really have a genealogy like the rest of us, yet since He came to earth as a human there is a line that can be traced back. Anyway, here is the interesting thing. There are four women mentioned in Jesus' genealogy. That by itself is surprising, since in Jesus' time women were not thought of very highly and were almost never mentioned in genealogies. But even more surprising is who the women were. Remember, God could have made sure that anyone He wanted was in Jesus' genealogy, so we have to assume that God meant for these four women to be listed and be part of Jesus' line.

The first woman mentioned was Tamar. You can read her story in: Genesis 38, but the bottom line is this. She was the wife of Judah's first born son, who died before having any children. Judah's sons refused to marry Tamar and give her any kids, so she dressed up like a prostitute and seduced Judah and gave birth to a male child.

The second woman mentioned is Rahab. She lived in Jericho and you can read her story in: Joshua 2. She was the town prostitute and helped the spies that Joshua sent to check out Jericho. Because she helped the spies Joshua saved her and her whole family. She married into the Israelite people and into the line of Judah from which Jesus came.

The third woman mentioned is Ruth. She was a Moabite, which were the descendants of the eldest daughter of Lot. You can read Ruth's story in the book of Ruth. Just to give you background, after the Lord delivered Lot and his two daughters from Sodom, the daughters were distressed because they thought they would never have children, so they got their father (Lot) drunk and had sex with him. The oldest daughter had a son and named him Moab. So the Moabite people were considered pretty low as far as status was. Yet Ruth married into the line of Judah and became the great grandmother of King David.

And the fourth and last woman mentioned is Bathsheba. Her story can be found in 2 Samuel 11. She was married to a warrior in King David's army, and committed adultery with King David. To cover his tracks David had her husband killed and married her. She was the mother of Solomon, who again was in the direct line of Judah from which Jesus came.

So you see all the woman listed were less than what we would consider high class ladies. So why would God allow them to have anything to do with the genealogy of Jesus? I think maybe He was trying to show us that no matter what our past is, no matter what sins we have committed if we will trust Him, He will forgive us and use us for His service.

Look at King David. I mentioned that he not only committed adultery with Bathsheba but also had her husband killed to cover up his sin. Yet God choose David to be King of Israel and even called him a man after His own heart. David was far from perfect, but anytime God showed him sin in his life, David would repent and ask God to cleanse him and forgive him for his sin. God always did.

Wow that should give us hope, because God will do the same thing for us. Your sin is no worse then anyone else's and it will only stand between you and God if you let it.

You also said you were afraid that Jesus would let you down. I could give you plenty of verses that would tell you that He would never let you down, but reading them is one thing and having faith to believe them is something else. I can tell you by my experience that Jesus has never let me down. I have let myself down a lot but He has never turned His back on me. Give Him a chance. He wants to be your friend. He loves you. Think about this; when Jesus died on the cross He took our sins. Okay, we all say we believe that, but have you ever really thought about what that means? While they were nailing Him to the cross, He knew that I would do all the bad things I have done in my past. He knew that you were going to be a cutter. He knew all the bad things that you have done and are going to do in the future. Yet He still allowed Himself to be nailed on that cross and allowed God the Father to pour out His wrath (anger) on Him. Not for what He (Jesus) had done but for what you and I were going to do in our lives. Wow, that is love. If He did not let you down then, if He stayed on that cross and suffered and even allowed God the Father to turn His back on Him because of us and our sin. Then He certainly won't let us down now. If He did let us down now, then His whole death would have been for nothing!

God loves you, period... End of story, well almost. He loves you but He does demand that you accept Jesus as your savior and then try (with His help) to live a holy life. Although He loves us His holy nature demands that we be punished for our sins. The only way to get out of that punishment is by allowing Jesus' death to pay for your sins. Jesus has already done His part, now it is up to us.

I know He cares and will help you get past this cutting. It is hard to trust Him. Satan tries to make it seem even harder then it is. Just ask Him to help you. Tell Him you are sick of this junk in your life and ask Him to help you live the kind of life He wants for you. I know He will if you are serious. I will continue to pray for you and ask my friends to pray also. Don't let Satan rob you of what God has for you and for your life.