I'm a 15 year old cutter who just wants to die.

Hi, Im only 15 and I've been cutting myself sence i was 13 years old. I dont know why i do it. I think i do it to get the pain out. I have also made suicide attempts. I think im an ugly hooible person, and i just want to die, please help me!

I will try to help you. You need to take a good hard look at your life and what you think happens when you die. You said you have attempted suicide, so this is an important question; what do you think happens when you die? Most people want peace and rest and they think that is what they will get when they die and that is why suicide seems like the answer. The problem is that is not what happens. If you die without getting right with God all you have to look forward to is this: (Matthew 13:41-42 NIV) [41] The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. [42] They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

I am not trying to scare you, I am only telling you the truth. You do not want to die unless you get right with God. I will get back to that in a moment, but first I want to address some of the other things you said. You said you think you are ugly. Okay, you may feel that way, but so what? Do you think that if you did not think you were ugly you would not cut yourself or have attempted suicide?

Do you think that Princess Diana was ugly? Well she was a cutter too. The reason I tell you that is so that you will see that this problem is deeper then just how you view yourself or even how others view you. Princess Diana had everything people want, she was beautiful, she was rich, she was popular, you name it she had it. So what was the problem? Why would she cut herself?

It is the very same reason that you cut yourself. She had pain and emotions deep inside of her that she wanted to let out. But as you have already seen it is only temporary. That is because you are not getting at the root problem. It is the same with suicide, yes it seems like the answer when you think about it, but it won't get you what you want, it will make things worse. The real problem is the pain you feel inside.

Counselors will try to help you deal with that pain, but again that is not the answer. The answer is to get rid of that pain you feel in your soul. You can't get rid of it until you understand what it is and why it is there. Counselors will tell you that it is there because of the way people have treated you in the past. Maybe you were abused by your father or mother, etc... It might be true that you were abused, or it might not be true, but whether it is or isn't, that is not where the pain comes from. That pain that you feel is an aching in your soul. This is the same reason that suicide seems good because it seems that it would give you rest and take that ache away, but it won't.

That ache in your soul that keeps you from getting the real rest you long for is because you were created to have a relationship with your Creator. God created you, but you just like me and everyone else in this world have sinned and sin separates us from God. Our soul aches for that relationship but we can't have it because of our sin.

So how do we get rid of that ache and get rest for our souls? Look at this passage: (Psalms 19:7-11 NIV) The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. [8] The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes. [9] The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous. [10] They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb. [11] By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. We need to start listening to our hearts and doing what is right. God has written His law on our hearts and when we follow what we know is right we will be more at peace, but following that won't get us that relationship that our souls want and need.

We must be reconciled with God. The problem is, like I said earlier, our sin. God is holy and can't stand sin and in fact He demands that anyone who has sinned be punished. And that punishment is what I showed you earlier, it is being separated from Him for eternity. But God loves us. He loves you and wants you to be able to have that relationship with Him. He can't just forget about your sin, someone has to pay for it, but if you pay for it you will be separated from Him for eternity.

There had to be someone who had not sinned who could take your sin and pay for it. The problem is that all of us sin. So God did something that is awesome, He became one of us. Jesus was born as a human being, yet He was still God and He did not sin. So He was able to pay for your sin and mine too. (Romans 5:8 NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Although He died for your sin and for mine, it is not automatic that we are forgiven. We must believe that He died for us and that He rose again from the dead and will forgive us if we ask Him. Here is what He tells us: (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV) [28] "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. [29] Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. [30] For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Isn't that exactly what you are looking for? Rest for your soul? That is how you get rid of that pain in your soul. Once that pain is gone there will be no reason to cut yourself and no reason to want to die.

Does it all seem too easy? Well it is easy, yet it can be very hard. Satan will try to tell you that God does not love you, or that you have done too many bad things for God to forgive you, but he is a liar. (Romans 10:9-10 NIV) That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. [10] For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.

Let me give you the bottom line. You need to admit that you are a sinner, or in other words that you have done wrong things in God's sight. Then you need to believe that God sent His Son; Jesus Christ, to die for your sins. That He rose from the dead and that He will forgive you if you ask. Then just ask Him to forgive you.

That does not mean that you won't ever have the desire to cut yourself again, but it means that God will help you with that desire so that you won't feel that you have to do it. Then you need to start reading God's word so that you can find out more about Him and what He wants from you.

Beauty is not just on the outside. People can't do a lot about how they look, they may try to hide things they don't like or bring out things that they think look good, but other than that we are who we are. I will admit that many people look at the outside and decide whether they like someone or not by how they look, but the real beauty is on the inside. It is who you are inside, the real you, not the physical you. Look at the beautiful people of this earth, most are not happy. Look at the movie and TV stars. If you look close at them you will find people who have lots of problems. They get involved in drugs and alcohol and ruin their lives, many of them even commit suicide. The reason is the same reason that you are struggling, not because of what is on the outside but what is missing on the inside.

Don't worry about your looks. Get right with God and become a beautiful person on the inside and that is what will show through and be what people see. That is other than those shallow people who only look on the outside and you don't want one of them anyway.

I noticed that it appears you are a metal fan from your e-mail address. I would just caution you about that. When you fill your mind with something day in and day out it will affect you and the way you think. If you are listening to music which talks about death and suicide and cutting you will continue to think about it and struggle with it. Once you get right with God, you will need to decide if that is really the kind of music you want to listen to or not.

Ralph

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