i ask Jesus to take me home every day. i am loosing my house, being evicted because of my wife's unemployment. I work but do not earn what she did (ex-physician). I feel like Job, i have not cursed God, but I feel unable to handle all he is throwing my way. i am tired of life and tired of living.
My wife tried to kill herself this past week. I got her to the ER and they were able to reverse the effects of the meds she took. She was in the Hosp for 4 days. I kept saying i should have let her die, she is in so much pain spiritually and emotionally. i feel the same way. i just dont want to go to hell for killing myself. yet i keep on thinking of death, the end, and my depression.
i am in a battle and there are days i feel i am loosing. i did feel help reading the variety of articles on your site.
i just wish i were in heaven. i am so tired of this life.
My response is in Green:
I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I am glad my site helped a little bit. This is a tough situation and I won't just give you the company line. However, having said that, I still believe that God is the answer to your problems and your wife's problems. You did not mention if she is a Christian or not, but if so then she needs to get right with God and start dealing with her problems.
It is not wrong to wish God would take you home, but it is wrong to just give up. He is able to help us through whatever comes our way and as long as we are in His will He has a plan for us.
You said you should have let your wife die, I think that is one of those things you need to confess to God and repent of. It is not up to us when we leave this life. (1 John 1:9 NIV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
You said she is in so much spiritual pain, well help her with it. You both need to get on your knees and ask God to help you. You did not say what her problem is but I still say that God is the answer, it is never too late until you are dead. He can help when no one else can. (Psalms 19:7-11 NIV) The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.  The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.  The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.  They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb.  By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.
I don't mean to make light of you problems, I am very sorry that you have them, but you have to try to keep them in perspective too. If you lose your house you will not be the first person who has had that happen to them, nor will you be the last. It is painful, it is horrible, but it is not worth your soul. I won't tell you that it is easy, but it is possible if you will allow God to help you through this.
Satan will attack you more and more the more you allow this to get you down. Even when you don't feel like it you have to fight this, you have to force yourself to praise God and to keep your focus. As I said I know that is much easier said than done. The problem comes when a person just gives up and asks God to take them home and does nothing else. This is a battle, Paul told us that our struggle is not with flesh and blood. Satan wants you to give up, it sounds as if your wife already has, but as I said it is not too late until you quit breathing. You need the support of other believers. If you are not going to church, you need to start. If you are attending then you need to confide in a couple of other people and ask them to pray and ask them for help. That is why Jesus calls us the body of Christ. When one member hurts we all hurt and we should all help.
I wish every day that Jesus would come back and take us all home, but until He does we have a responsibility to serve Him. You mentioned one other thing that I want to address that is that you feel God is throwing all of this at you. I doubt it. Yes He is in control, but your battle is not with God it is with Satan. He is the one attacking you, don't ever forget that.
I will pray for you and your wife.
(Isaiah 40:28-31 NIV)  Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;  but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)