I always went to church. I grew up in a church and I was there every Sunday and every Wednesday. I was attending AWANAS since age 2 and I accepted Christ as my Savior at age 6. But nothing really happened. I didn't change my lifestyle. I was just like everyone else and wasn't shining bright. I attended that church until early 2002. My mom was having my sister and I go to a different church instead. I didn't want to. I loved my old church and didn't want to leave. One night my sister dragged me *Literally* to the youth group. It was awesome! Then I started going to that church instead of my old church. But, same ways.
I swore, cheated, talked horribly, said dirty things, and wasn't living a Christian life at all! Then some friends and I went to the Easter Eve service. That was when the true transformation started. I quit swearing, it took a while but I did, quit cheating, quit talking the way I did and was I rededicated my life to Christ that night. Well, Satan came attacking. Before this I had on and off suicidal feelings... not very often so I didn't make a big deal about it. Well, it was early summer and at the end of summer I was going on a missions trip. And Satan knew I was ready for this and that he knew I was going to make a difference and that's when the suicidal feelings kept coming. More often, everyday even. I started cutting my arms and I had worthless feelings. I wanted to kill myself. I never planned out my death, but I didn't want to be alive.
I felt worthless and unloved. Like no one cared. I finally got enough courage to tell the one person I trusted with my heart, my youth pastor Greg. I sent him an e-mail about it and then he called me at home as soon as he got it. He wanted to get together at the church and talk about this. He told Jason, another youth pastor and our church and we all got together and talked. They told my mom and I had to go to a counseling session and the counselor would decide if I could go on my missions trip or not. The trip was a week away and they didn't want anything to happen. Well, I ended up going on the trip and my life has truly been changed since then. God truly showed to me how much He cares and how much I am loved. And that I should've never felt worthless. I am "on fire" for God now and I have been shining bright ever since!!
If you have any suicidal feeling or any other serious problems talk to someone... it helps. Trust me. But you need to work things out with the Lord. He is the ONLY one who can truly save your life!
My response is in Green:
Thank you for writing Jordan, I hope that God will use your testimony to help others.
E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)