I'm a manic depressive and think of suicide almost daily.

Hi!

A friend sent me your web addy, this page in particular ("contemplating suicide")... I think it was a hint. I have no idea why I am doing this other then I was instructed to. Please don't start off by saying "thanks for writing", I read all the response you have posted. *s* I am saved, and I do have a close relationship with God. I know every bible verse you could possibly quote to me. My favorite is Jer. 29:11 "for I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster plans to bring about the future you hope for."

I am manic depressant (or bipolar or whatever you want to call it) and I do take medication for it - as much as my body can handle but its not enough sometimes. I get depressed frequently, think about suicide almost daily and I also SI and can't help but do that at least once or twice a week. I know very well I have no good reason to be depressed but that doesn't change anything. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or sleep around, I'm a vegetarian, I don't drink anything with caffeine if it can be avoided and I get plenty of exercise - you know all that good garbage they always tell ya to do? Now the fact that my dad thinks I'm faking the whole depression thing doesn't help any (I am in college but am still stuck at home). anyway, I think the point I'm trying to make here is I have no idea what do to now. I tried to talk to a pastor about this and he just turned me away. And I am afraid to tell anyone anything cause they will most likely have me committed.

I would like to hear back from you, cause I wish I knew what to do but even if I don't thank you very much for your time!

My response is in Green:

Okay, I won't thank you for writing. I guess I do say that every time.

I will attempt not to give you a bunch of scripture since you said you know it all anyway, but you must realize that the answers are in there. The problem is applying those principles to your life. I would like to show you a couple things in scripture, not that you don't know these verses but maybe you never really thought about them.

I know that there are such things as medical conditions which cause depression, but I also think they are over stressed. I think that doctors are too quick to claim that a problem is caused by a chemical imbalance. That may be true for you, so I am not saying this is your case, but it bothers me that most people are given drugs, which don't really help and told that is the only answer. I will tell you that I think that is better than sending everyone to a psychologist. I guess I went off a little bit from my point, but believe it or not I have a point and that is that no matter whether your problem is truly physical or not, God is still the answer.

Now let me go to the verses I was talking about. Hang with me a few minutes.

(Jonah 4:9 NIV) But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?" "I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die."

(1 Kings 19:3-4 NIV) Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, {4} while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors."

(2 Corinthians 1:8-9 NIV) We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. {9} Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

The first quote of course was from Jonah, who was so mad that he wanted to die. The second was by Elijah, who was so scared and tired that he wanted to die. The third is by Paul who was so depressed and tired that he thought there was no way out but death.

I quoted all those to show you that it is not unusual for a Christian to be depressed even to think of suicide. I want you to understand that because it is the first step in fighting this. This is a battle and as Paul also said in another letter, the battle is not against flesh and blood. The day you became a believer in Jesus Christ you were enlisted into the Lord's army. That was also the day that you became a target for Satan.

I believe there are several reasons Satan attacks Christians. First and foremost if you are depressed then you are not going to be a very good witness to those around you who don't know Christ. Satan would love to keep others from seriously considering Christ because every Christian they see seems to have more problems than they do. Second Satan knows that he can't take your salvation away from you nor can he make God quit loving you, but what if he can get you to stop loving God? What if he can so discourage you that you decide that you want to die whether it is God's plan for you or not?

This leads us down the road to theology. This is a complicated question that only God can answer, but which is very important for us; can a person who has accepted Christ give up their salvation? Notice that I said give it up, I don't believe you can lose it or that anyone can take it from you. This is an all important question for a Christian who is contemplating suicide, because it has eternal implications.

Again I will try not to give you too many scriptures but this is too important to not go by God's word. Here is the first one we should look at: (Ezekiel 18:23-28 NIV) Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live? {24} "But if a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits sin and does the same detestable things the wicked man does, will he live? None of the righteous things he has done will be remembered. Because of the unfaithfulness he is guilty of and because of the sins he has committed, he will die. {25} "Yet you say, 'The way of the Lord is not just.' Hear, O house of Israel: Is my way unjust? Is it not your ways that are unjust? {26} If a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits sin, he will die for it; because of the sin he has committed he will die. {27} But if a wicked man turns away from the wickedness he has committed and does what is just and right, he will save his life. {28} Because he considers all the offenses he has committed and turns away from them, he will surely live; he will not die. If you notice God says that if a person turns from doing what is right and chooses to do wicked or in other words sin, He will not remember the righteous things they have done. Now I know that we are not saved by the righteous things we do, we are saved by faith in Jesus Christ, but if you think about it, so were the Old Testament saints to whom Ezekiel was to tell this. This passage also makes it clear that God is not talking about someone who falls into sin, He is speaking about someone who chooses to reject the truth and turn back to sin.

Now let's look at the New Testament and see what has changed if anything: (Hebrews 10:26-27 NIV) If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, {27} but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Again we see a description of someone who chooses to sin, not someone who falls and then repents. So it would appear that God is saying that if you choose to reject Him after you have a relationship with Him, He will let you go. It would seem to me that He gave us free will to choose whether we want to accept His free gift of Salvation and that even after we do choose He allows us to continue to have free will to choose to walk away.

So now we come to the point where we have to decide if suicide would constitute rejecting Christ and turning from the truth. I think this verse which had to be written to believers, since non-believers are not the temple of God, shows us that it does: (1 Corinthians 3:16-17 NIV) Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? {17} If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple. Now I am sure many people would argue with me about what it means that God will destroy the person. Many I am sure would say that it means God would take their life but yet welcome them into heaven with open arms. I am just a former cop, who reads the Bible the same way I read crime scenes. What is obvious and plain should be taken just that way. Why would God be upset enough to destroy a person's physical life and yet welcome them with open arms as if nothing happened? Sorry that does not make sense to this street cop's mentality.

I am not trying to scare you or give you a guilt trip, I am just trying my best to show you that just because you have a relationship with Christ does not give you the freedom to do whatever you think is best. Christ should be first in our lives, even when it comes to our emotions and our bodies. I know that is easy to say but a lot harder to do, but it is something that has to be done daily. The point is if you wait until you are in one of your depressed moods it is too late. You have to get the support you need before, so that it will carry you through the bad times. Going back to the verse by Paul when he felt depressed and thought of suicide, he says that it happened so that he would not depend on himself but on God. The next two verses which I did not quote above are also important: (2 Corinthians 1:10-11 NIV) He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, {11} as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. Paul says that the prayers of others are important too. Again we cannot do this battle on our own, we need God's help and we need the support of other Christians. Sometimes we need them to talk to, but mostly we need them to pray for us.

When a Christian contemplates suicide, they must realize what it would mean. Even if I am wrong and God did welcome them into heaven, what have they said to Him? They have said that they cared more about what they wanted then what He wanted. They would also be saying that they did not believe or trust that God would help them, either because He did not really love them enough to help them, or maybe because they did not believe He was really powerful enough to help them.

When we accept Christ as our Savior we give Him our lives: (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV) Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; {20} you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. That means in the good times and in the bad times. You may never be totally free from depression, but you will never be alone either. You have hope because you have the Creator of the universe on your side.

I am sorry I used so many scriptures but I thought it was important. I have been depressed too, I have thought of suicide. I longed for rest and peace and suicide looked like the answer, but it was a lie from the pit of hell. Anything which a Christian does which does not bring glory to God is wrong. A Christian committing suicide will not bring glory to God. It would say to the world that God is not powerful enough to even help His own children. Again that is why Satan tries so hard to defeat Christians.

I don't know what you think of angels, but I am here to tell you that they are not beautiful children or beautiful women, they are battle hardened warriors. They never back away, they never get scared, they never fail to protect someone whom they are ordered to protect. An angel is just one prayer away. They stand in the presence of God and they do His bidding without questioning. If you need help ask!!

When you get depressed get mad, get mad that Satan has attacked you, and get on your knees. You might not feel like praying at that point, so what, do it anyway!! Read your Bible, sing praises to God. This is the way we fight this battle and it is a battle. I am not going to tell you it is easy, it is anything but easy, but it is also possible. God will not give you more than you can handle. That does not mean He won't give you more than you think you can handle.

You can let Satan make you a prisoner of war or you can resist him and he will flee from you. None of this has been my words, it all comes from God's word. I am no one, I am just a former cop who now works on computers. I don't know why God asked me to place my testimony on the web or why He has send you and many others to me. All I know is that I have been where you are at and I know that God will deliver you. I write what is in my heart and I pray that God will use my humble words to reach those who write me. I get attacks from all sides. People don't like my theology, people don't like my answers, people don't like most everything, but God just keeps sending more and more people to me. I get depressed and feel overwhelmed. I feel like I am not doing any good at all. I feel like I am trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. Why should I keep trying? Why should I put up with so many attacks, many of them coming from people who claim to be Christians? I will tell you why, because all of that is an attack from Satan. If he is concerned enough about my humble ministry to attack me this hard then it must be worth something.

That is what I think of you too. If Satan is attacking you this hard then God must have a plan for you and you must upset Satan. Get into the battle. It is stressful and it is hard but it is so worth it. Trust God, He did not send Jesus to die for you just to allow you to live a defeated life.

Well I will get off my soap box now. I hope I did not upset you, but I truly believe what I wrote you. I will pray for you.

Ralph

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