I have been suicidal for 7 years. I have tried to kill myself many different ways, and I don't know what to do anymore.
My response is in Green:
I need to ask you something right up front. Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? If not then that is where you need to start. We live in an evil world and you will never be happy or able to handle it until you get right with God. People don't understand why life just doesn't seem to be worth living. The answer is that we were created to have a relationship with God, and until we reconcile with Him we will never feel fulfilled or happy. Oh we might find moments of happiness here or there, but it is like a flashlight on a dark night, as soon as you turn it off the darkness closes in on you again. God on the other hand is the sun, there is no darkness where He is.
We have evil hearts, we have all done our share of evil (sinful) things. God hates sin, but He loves us. He is holy and can't stand to be around evil things. His holy nature demands that a price be paid for the sins we have committed. Unfortunately for us that price is death. But there is good news. God can't just forget about out sinfulness, but He provided a way for us to be free from our death sentence and yet His holy nature's demand for justice to be served too. He sent His Son to be born as a human and live a holy life and then to die for us. He died to pay that debt that we could not afford to pay. It was that debt that kept us from having a relationship with God. If we accept the free gift that God offers us and accept His Son as our Savior then we can be reconciled with God the Father. All we have to do is believe that Jesus did come to earth as a human and that He did die for our sins. That He took our punishment and paid our debt. Then all we have to do is ask Him to forgive us and be Lord of our life.
At the point that we believe in Jesus Christ we are saved from God's wrath. You might wonder why God would love us enough to send Jesus to die for us. It is not that we are worth anything, it is because God is who He is. He has a pure love for us that we can't really understand. (Romans 5:8 NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
When we accept Jesus as our Savior, God adopts us into His family, we become His children and He becomes our Father. This is more than just pretty words. I think God uses those words so that we can in a small way what happens, but the point is this, He will take us and care for us and support us at that point. That does not mean that we won't have anymore bad times, but it means that we always have a Father that we can go to for help. Nothing is too big for Him to handle. He is never asleep when we need Him, He is never away on business, He is always there waiting for us to talk to Him.
People sometimes get discouraged and feel like God does not care, but the problem is that they don't understand what it really means to have a relationship with God. God uses these terms so that we can understand but we are so simple minded that we still don't get it. When you have a relationship with someone, it is never a one way street. How long would you have a relationship with someone who never called you, never came to see you, never cared about how you felt, never paid any attention to you, until they needed something? Every time they needed money or a ride somewhere, or someone to complain about their problems they came to you but never when they just wanted to be with you and enjoy your company. You would quickly start to think that this person does not really care about you, they are just your friend for what you can do for them. I am sure God feels the same way often. People get depressed, or scared, or they need something and they run to Him, but when things are going well, they want nothing to do with Him. The crazy part is then they get mad at Him when He does not jump when they ask Him to do something for them.
My point is that if you truly have a relationship with God, then you will try to make Him happy and please Him, not just demand that He do things for you. The benefit is that He will also do the same for you. He loves you or He would not have sent His Son to die for you in the first place. Again there is nothing too big or difficult for Him.
If you are like I was when I had thought of suicide, you feel like death would stop the pain and give you rest and peace. The problem is that it won't. Whatever problems you have now will follow you to the grave. If you feel lonely now, you will feel even worse if you commit suicide. The problem, again goes back to that relationship with God. The reason you feel like you do now is because you don't have the relationship. If you kill yourself then you will never again have the ability to get that relationship. God offers us a way out of our death sentence but the offer is only good until we die. At the point that we die our fate is sealed. That is the horrible thing about suicide. People commit suicide because they don't think this life is worth living and without Jesus Christ, they are right it is not worth living, but death just seals that condition forever. If they would just accept Christ they would find that this life can be worth living.
Don't let Satan convince you that suicide is the answer, it isn't. God is the answer, give Him a chance. Ask Him to help you, to open your eyes so that you will know that He is for real.
Feel free to write me anytime.
E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)