I'm a 21 year old man, I moved to California 7 monthes ago, to pursue my stand up comedy dreams. I moved here alone and I didn't know any people when I moved here. I meet lots of people but haven't made any real friends besides one other person who shares the same dreams as me. he is the only friend I have out here. even though I have one friend I was still always alone. Then things in my life started going wrong, I was runnning out of money and I couldn't find a job and my comedy wasn't doing to well. Then things turned around, I found a great job and started making lots of money along with the job I met the girl of my dreams, I felt so strong that she was the one I been searching for. I felt this way because she was the opposite of everything I look for in a woman, the exact opposite yet I was so attracted to her. I put her out of my mind cause she was so out of reach for me, to good for me I felt, I mean she is perfect, she is a beautiful model unbelieveable gorgeous and smart and just very caring.
I quit thinking about her cause I thought I could never be with her. then the unexpected happened she asked if I wanted to go out for a drink after work, I was in shock. so we went out for the drink and it was better than I ever dreamed, she was perfect in every way. we just clicked right from the start, after that we were together non stop for like a month, then all of a sudden things started slowing down at work and I wasn't making money, but I was still ok cause I had this girl in my life to keep me happy. everything started falling down around me but it didn't matter she was there to help me, the job started sucking and I wasn't doing comedy anymore. Then the worst nightmare that could happen to me happened. She dumped me!! I was so upset and alone I didn't know what to do. Then I started to realize how bad things have really gotten, I started to look at my job and my comedy everything was going so bad but I never realized it, but after she left me I finally saw it all. My life is crumbling right in front of my eyes and I don't know how to fix it. when I was sad in the past I always had the stand up comedy to make me happy. Now that doesn't even make me happy anymore, I feel like that is a imposible dream. nothing is going good right now for me.
I don't know what to do a few days ago I stood on a bridge crying and thinking about jumping, but I was to much of a coward, I can't even kill myself right. I just don't have anything in my life to make me happy, but I do know what will make me happy, this girl, she made me smile last week for the first time in like 2 weeks, I know I need her to be happy, but I don't know how to get her back, even if not my girl friend just to be around her makes me happy. I feel like I can't get her back and that makes me just wanna die. Please help me I think I need counseling but I don't have money, is there any places I can go to for free for help in the L.A. area, I really need someone to talk to. I ask god but I don't know if he listens to me anymore, I think he gave up on me so I wanna give up on myself too, please write me back.
My response is in Green:
Let me start with your question about counseling. You should find a good Bible believing church and go talk to them.
You mentioned that you asked God for help, but are not sure if He still listens to you. Since you said that I will assume that you have accepted Christ as your savior in the past. If that is not true then that is where you have to start. God usually will not listen to someone unless they get right with Jesus. His word even says so: John 14:6-7 (NIV) Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you really knew me, you would know£ my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."
So the first thing to do is admit you are a sinner like every other human and that you are in need of forgiveness from God which can only come through Jesus.
Okay now back to my assumption that you are a Christian. I will tell you right up front that if you are a Christian you still need to get right with God, because you are not on the right track. You might wonder how I know you are not on the right track, well it is by what you have told me.
You said that you have nothing in your life to make you happy. You said that only this girl can make you happy. Well that is the wrong attitude for a Christian who is in a relationship with God. If you whole life revolves around another person you will be crashing and burning a lot. People change their minds, people decide not to love anymore, people do things which hurt other people because they care more about themselves than others. God is not like us. He never changes, He never stops loving us, He never does things to hurt us. We can trust Him.
You need to get your eyes off of yourself and get them on Christ. He is the only hope you have for a fulfilled life. As long as you keep your eyes on other people and on the things of this world the more heart ache you are going to have. All of those things are fleeting and will leave you high and dry, but God will never leave you.
The other thing you need to think about is what happens after suicide. You don't think that life is worth living and one reason is because you can't have this girl, well if you end up in hell you will be without anyone else. Suicide is not the solution, no matter what the problem is.
I don't have any idea what God's plan for your life is, but I am sure He has one. It might be for you to do comedy, or maybe it is for something else. No matter what it is, you won't be happy until you find out what it is and get in line with it.
Satan would love for you to kill yourself, but no one wins in that case. You need to fight these feelings and get on your knees and ask God to help you. Get a Bible and start reading it. You need to take positive steps. As I said at the beginning you should find a good church and talk to them and get to know other Christians who can help you. Don't give up!
E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)