Why won't God help me?

Ok. This is going to be hard for me, partly because I never really open up with people, but here I go. To me it always seems like God likes to torment me or something. I'm only 14 (soon to be 15) years old, and I've lost all hope in life. I've considered suicide, but reconsidered after seeing your site. I have asked God to forgive me for my sins, I've asked Him to come into my heart and help me do the right thing, but it is always the same for me. I'll have one great day, then the next day I'll be back where I started, empty and depressed and most of all confused. How do you get saved? What am I doing wrong to deserve this? I pray to the Lord everyday, I ask Him to forgive me for my sins EVERYDAY, but nothing ever seems to get better.

If I don't go to church does that mean I'll go to hell? My family and I just don't have time for church (that doesn't mean we don't have time for God or anything). My mom works a lot to support me, so we never have the time to actually make it to church.

My question is, why doesn't God help me? I've been unhappy for the past year or so, and I pray to Him to help me out but it seems like He doesn't help me.

I feel so alone and just tired of life. Most everyone hates me, (or at least I think so, but that could just be the huge I have parnioa talking, i don't know anymore). Why doesn't God help me? What am I doing wrong? I'm soo confused and lost. I feel like I'm on a road on a moonless night, with no light whatsoever. I mean I have no clue where I'm coming from and where I'm going. It seems like I'm just going in circles.

I REALLY hope you can help me understand why things haven't been getting better.

My response is in Green:

I will try to help you see some things. First, no not going to church will not mean you will go to hell. However, it sure does not help you grow in your faith. Many of the questions you asked me would be answered over time if you were attending a good Bible believing and Bible teaching church. If you can't make it then that is understandable, if you just don't get around to finding the time that is not. You need that fellowship and support that other believers can give you, plus you need the training and teaching you would get by studying the Bible. If you just can't go to church, then make sure you do find the time to read your Bible and to pray. Faith comes from hearing the words of Christ and that means reading the Bible.

I have a couple of tough questions for you. First, what do you think you are being saved from? I ask that because your message to me appears to be saying that you think God is saving you from having a bad day. That is not what Salvation is all about. What we are saved from when we are saved is from the sentence of death imposed on us by a Holy God whom we have sinned against. Jesus died for our sins, so that we could live with God eternally. He did not die to take away our minor struggles here in this life.

I don't mean to belittle what you are going through, but you have to get your eyes focused on the right things. If you look at this life with eyes focused on being happy, you never will be. But if you look at this life with eternity in your eyes, you will realize that this life doesn't really mean anything, it is just a wisp of smoke which is soon blown away by the wind. What is important in this life is witnessing to others so that they too can live for eternity with God instead of spending eternity in hell.

That does not mean that you can't be happy, but if your whole life is fixed on trying to be happy, you will miss what is important and never find happiness.

You asked why God doesn't help you. Again what do you mean by that? Do you mean help you to be happy all the time? Let me go over this once more, He sent His only Son to die in your place, that is what He has done for you. Everything good in your life is because God gave it to you. The Bible says that all good things come from God. Don't you think He has helped you?

God may not take all your troubles away, but He will walk with you through those problems. You need to take stock of your life and decide whether you love God for what He has already done for you or if you love Him because of what you want Him to do for you. What He has already done is more important than anything He will ever do for you in the future.

Don't give up the blessings God has offered you by always wanting what you want. God has promised to walk with you and to help you and you can count on Him: (Isaiah 41:10-13 NIV) So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. {11} "All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. {12} Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. {13} For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

You also said you don't have a clue, well I will tell you where to get a clue from; the Bible. If you are not reading it then you are not reading the road map God gave you for your life. There are no substitutes for reading the Bible. It is God's word and it is our way to know Him better, to strengthen our faith and to know His will for us. You need to read it daily.

I hope that helped. You should talk to God the way you wrote me, be honest with Him, but remember He is God and owes you nothing and in fact has already given you life. What more is there?

We will all have to answer to God someday for the wrong things we have done. These are called sins and we have all done some of them. God is holy and demands death for anyone who sins. (Ezekiel 18:4 NIV) For every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son--both alike belong to me. The soul who sins is the one who will die.

That is the bad news, we are all under a death sentence from a Holy God, who can't stand sin and we have all sinned. Now for the good news. God loves us and does not want us to go to hell to be punished for our sins. Because He is Holy He can't just forgive and forget our sins, His Holy nature demands that some one pays for those sins. (John 3:16 NIV) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Here is more good news: (Romans 5:8 NIV) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

So what does this mean to us? It means that if we die without getting right with God we will go to hell for eternity and suffer in punishment for our sins. However, if we will believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for our sins, and if we confess our sins (admit them to God) and ask Him to forgive us He will. And if we believe that after He died God the Father raised Him back to life then we will be saved and if we die we will go to be with God. (Romans 10:9 NIV) That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

That is the most important thing in this life. Suicide is never the way to take care of problems. All suicide will do is lock the problems a person has already onto their back forever. Suicide is final, once you are dead there is no turning back. As long as a person has breath in their lungs there is hope. There is hope that things will get better, there is hope that they will find God and get right with Him. But once the person is dead they will never have any hope, because things will never change.

If you get right with God that does not mean that all your problems will instantly go away, but it does mean that you will have hope and that God will help you deal with those problems you have. Without God there is not hope now or after death.


Here is a response to my response from another person:

I just read the reply you sent to the little girl contemplating suicide. Thanks, Ralph. I am sure that made her feel much better.

You made it sound like God does not care about our lives here on earth, that all Christ died for was our eternal salvation. Not to belittle that, it is what our hope is based upon. However, I was raised by a mother who told me over and over that God does not care about our lives, just our souls. Consequently, two suicide attempts later and accepting Christ into my life 14 years ago, I still cannot trust Him. I don't believe he hears me either, because it is so ingrained in my mind that our lives count for nothing.

We have all been blessed, with just the breath in our lungs if nothing else. However, if He does not care about the quality of our lives, why all the healings in the Bible? Why all the earthly miracles? Why all the "I have a plan for you, not to harm you but to give you hope and a future"?

I know how she feels. She does not just want what she wants. She, like every one else and I would bet you also, DOES want happiness and peace. Happiness comes from within, and manifests outward into our lives. However, for those of us walking in darkness, it is hard to find anything within, and it does seem like God does not hear us or reply to our prayers sometimes.

Helping someone THROUGH something is a necessary and fine thing, but there must be something on the other side of it. If she, like me, has been told that He will only be there for support and not for actual, concrete help, then there is hopelessness in that. We are humans now, and must live in this life. I cannot believe a loving God would just leave us here to twist in the wind waiting for death so we can go to Heaven and live there forever. Does happiness exist there? If so, and we are never going to be happy here and experience it, then how will we know it when we see it?

I have heard your sermon from so many honest Christians who really believe they are helping. It does not. It did not help that young girl, I guarantee it.

We have to live, here and now, with some quality to our lives. With some hope that our troubles will somehow turn out, if we ask for his help. He said whatever we ask in prayer, believing that we have received, He will give us.

Look at it again, Ralph. There must be more to our lives than death. More than knowing that we are not ever going to know happiness. You will be hearing the same thing from others in the future; please think about what you tell them. My minister has left me in tears many times, without hope.

My response is in Green:

You actually prove my point. You read my reply to this girl with jaded eyes. I never said that God doesn't care about our lives here and now. What I said was that if we focus on this life we will never be happy. I also explained to this girl what salvation really is, because it was obvious that she didn't understand and I don't believe you do either. You claim you can't trust Christ and you have tried to commit suicide twice in the past. I know you don't see the problem but there is a problem and it isn't with God, it is with you and your focus and desires.

Yes I told this girl that this life is not all there is, I told her that this life is a wisp of smoke, here today and gone tomorrow. That doesn't mean it isn't important to us, but it does mean that it isn't all there is. So because you are miserable today, you are willing to kill yourself and spend eternity in hell, separated from God and all the good things He offers you? And because you feel that way you don't think you can trust Him. The problem is that it is the fact that you don't trust Him that makes you feel that way in the first place.

This was the point I was trying to make to this girl, if you focus on this life, you will never be happy. We live in a fallen world, there is disease, there are evil people who do evil things. That is life in this world and we all suffer because of it. However, if we focus on the eternal world, where God will make things the way they are suppose to be, then we can better handle today in this life, because we know that there is something better in our future. This is the very same thing we try to teach children. "Don't have sex now, because you could ruin your life. You don't want to trade a happy life for a moments instant pleasure and then suffering and missing out on what life could have been." I guess you disagree with those teachings too? I guess we should tell kids to just do whatever makes them happy now, after all this life is most important and being happy is the most important of all.

Yes I am being a little over the top, but I am doing it to make a point. We know that telling a teenager to wait to have sex is best for them, and that in the end it won't hurt their over all happiness, it will help it. Yet you disagree with me when I tell you the same thing in reference to God. He does care and He does want what is good for you, but you have to meet Him on His terms. His most important priority and what should be yours too, is your eternity.

Let me show you some things from God's word:

Amos 4:6-10 [6] "I gave you empty stomachs in every city and lack of bread in every town, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. [7] "I also withheld rain from you when the harvest was still three months away. I sent rain on one town, but withheld it from another. One field had rain; another had none and dried up. [8] People staggered from town to town for water but did not get enough to drink, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. [9] "Many times I struck your gardens and vineyards, I struck them with blight and mildew. Locusts devoured your fig and olive trees, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD. [10] "I sent plagues among you as I did to Egypt. I killed your young men with the sword, along with your captured horses. I filled your nostrils with the stench of your camps, yet you have not returned to me, declares the LORD." [NIV]

God made their lives miserable, but He did it because He loved them and wanted them to come back to Him. It was more important to Him that they come back to Him spiritually than it was for them to be happy and comfortable.

Matthew 19:23-24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. [24] Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." [NIV]

So do you want God to make you rich and make your life easy if it means that you turn from Him and spend eternity in hell? I certainly don't. God offers you joy in this life, but it comes from focusing on Him not yourself. Again let me show you:

Acts 5:40-42 His speech persuaded them. They called the apostles in and had them flogged. Then they ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go.
    [41] The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. [42] Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ. [NIV]

God could have kept the apostles from being flogged, but it was part of His plan, but notice how they took that. They rejoiced. Now I am not telling you that you should want to suffer, but if you know that your suffering is part of God's will, you can suffer and still have joy. But even if your life is full of all the things that people think bring happiness and you don't have God you won't be happy. Look at the sports stars, the movie stars, the rock stars, etc... Look at how many of them end up in rehab, or attempt to take their own lives, or jump from one bad relationship to another, yet they have it all; fame, fortune, riches... Yet they are missing the ONE thing that can truly bring happiness in this life and beyond and that is a relationship with Christ.

None of that means that God doesn't still heal people, or that He doesn't still provide for us, or certainly that He doesn't care about us, of course He does. But what it does mean is that the most important thing is our soul and our relationship with Him.

Anyone who comes to God for forgiveness because they think He is the genie in the sky who will make their life easy and carefree is fooling themselves and will never truly be happy, because they have missed what salvation is truly all about.

So I make no apologies for what I said to that girl or what I have said to you. Do you want to be happy in this life? Then you must start to trust God and focus on Him, there is no other way.

Oh I could have lied to her and I could lie to you and tell you both that God will take all the pain and suffering out of your lives, and make you happy. It might even work for a while, but what happens to you spiritually when your new puppy runs out into the street and gets killed? What happens to your faith in God then? It would be destroyed, because you were following God for the wrong reasons.

What you also seemed to have missed in my reply to this girl is that I gave her the true gospel, I explained why we need a savior and why Jesus died for us. I did so because it was obvious that she didn't truly understand. When we truly understand that we didn't deserve to have our sins forgiven it changes our whole attitude and focus. We all have things in this life that cause us pain and which we wish we could be free from, but when we realize what God has already done for us and what awaits those who love Him, well let me let Paul explain:

Romans 8:17-18 Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
    [18] I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. [NIV]

I hope you can find the joy that comes from truly understanding what God has done for us. You can just write me off and claim I don't understand, but you would be wrong. I have contemplated suicide in the past, that is why I have this ministry. I found the joy that I was seeking, but not where I thought I would. Has my life been a bed of roses since I came to Christ? No, but it has been joyful; there is a difference.


Here is another response to my response from another person:


I agree with what you are saying--just your delivery is very condescending. I believe the people needing help and crying out do not need someone talking down to them. Just a suggestion--that you load your truth with a gentle delivery!


My response is in Green:

Please explain how I was condescending. Quote what you think was condescending and show me how you would have said it. I am blunt and to the point but I don't believe I am condescending. Just so we are on the same page, the definition of condescending is: showing or implying a usually patronizing descent from dignity or superiority. How was I patronizing? Or how was I acting superior to this person?

I don't mind you disagreeing with my delivery, but please show me exactly what you have a problem with. I went back and read what I wrote this person and to be honest if I had to do it again I would write same thing. I explained to this person that her focus was wrong, and it was. I reminded her of what God had already done for her if she was saved and then I addressed salvation because from her letter I couldn't be sure she even truly had a relationship with Christ.

I would really like to know which part was condescending. I am not trying to put you on the spot, but I don't see it. Tell you what, reply to this woman as if she wrote you. I would like to see how you would have handled this letter. I will even post it at the bottom of the page, it may help someone else.


Her response is in Blue:


I am not going to take a red marker to your text--I think you are trying to help people and that is incredible. I will only say that I feel as if you were sitting across from her preaching instead of walking along side of her, if that makes sense. I think if you could have put yourself in her shoes instead of knowing that you are not in them. This is what I wrote for her.

I want you to know of God's love for you. He is not a tormentor. God knows how many hairs are on your head. God made you and formed you in your mother's womb. God loves you so deeply that he gave his son to die in your place so you can always be with Him and He with you forever. None of us are worthy of this kind of love. It is by his grace that we are saved through faith in Christ.

It sounds as though your struggle is not with God, but with believing you are forgiven. When God forgives you, you are forgiven indeed. God cares about you and what you are going through.

Jesus loved so deeply and had such compassion that even knowing he would raise Lazarus up from the dead, he still grieved . He wept with Mary and relatives. That amazes me. See ( John 11:1). Think how he was right there in that moment with them--not looking ahead to His miracle, but totally and completely lost in their grief with them.

You are forgiven and loved. Happiness is fleeting –even conditional, but joy in the Lord is everlasting. I pray you find peace and freedom that comes with faith. I certainly encourage you to find a Bible based Church that you like. A Bible study or small group will help you grow in your faith.

I am very concerned that you have suicidal thoughts and pray that you get help immediately. God has plans for you!!! Please remember there is nothing that God can't forgive! I will be praying for you---I do know how you feel.



E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)

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