Even as a Christian life has not gotten any better.

First off I want to thank you for taking all your time to make this web page because there are lots more hurting people out here like me that are depressed and looking for help.

Well after reading your page and your advice to other people I've sort of changed my mind about suicide, but every now and then I might think about it, or just hope for death of myself (naturally).I am on the same boat as every one else. I've had a bad childhood, every day of my life I am sad and depressed, I'm never happy, life is boring, I have no friends just associates, I treat everybody bad (as a result of how i was treated in the past) I've turned into a monster and i hate myself I dont even want to see myself living any longer than i even should. Oh by the way I am saved (just 3 years).

Now i know you're going to give me the same advice as you did to everybody else.. which was to turn to God and give it all to him.. But you know what.. I don't know if there is a "certain" way to do all of this but i have already TRIED..MANY times giving my problems to God an it seems like he never helps, seems like he doesn't even care how I feel, and it seems like he doesn't care if I even think about suicide. And don't think that the devil just wants to destroy me but I agree with him too. Life sucks. Yes, even as a christian life has not gotten any better.

I pray to God (not alot anymore) and I even quote back to HIM the scriputes he said in the bible about how he'll comfort you..etc but he still does not help. Yes, i already know about the verse saying if you hold anything against someone forgive them or God won't forgive you or hear your prayers.. but guess what does he still help me? NO. That's why I'm going on the internet to people like you for help.

Well just to sum this all up, I've already taken these steps to give God my problems but since he hasn't helped then the only future I have now is no hope and possibly hell. And if I go to hell, fine, its all my fault, i was saved and doing fine at first but I messed my "new" life up and while I am depressed every day its hard to concentrate on God or forgiving people so the devil already has me trapped at every angle he can think of and I am at no connection with God anymore so If I can't get any help from you, God or somebody then..I'm sorry it has to end this way, I hate my life anyway, and I always have. So if I can get no help, not even from my own God then I don't know what to do except just give up on God, on life itself..

One last thing, i dont want to call God a liar, I do know he can do what he says he can do but the thing is that he seems to help everyone else EXCEPT me. So if i keep begging him to help me out of this and deliver me and i gets no answer then why should i turn to him again. Please help this is getting so bad I've even started considering to leave God and I dont want to do that. Oh yeah part of the reson why i am unhappy is because I am not with God anymore I dont know why. Maybe it is all my fault. I guess I've ruined my whole purpose for life (God) and if I cant get it back in line then my next question is.. then what is the purpose of living anymore, why not die sooner. Please write back soon, the sooner the better!

My response is in Green:

I will try to help you, but I warn you I am very blunt and some of the things I have to say might hurt your feelings, but please think about them.

The very first thing that I saw in your message was that you blame your actions on the past. That does not cut the mustard. You had a bad childhood, fine, but that does not excuse the way you act or treat other people. You say you were saved three years ago, but if you have not changed and started treating people differently then your salvation is lacking something important. I took it from your message to me that you keep asking God for help and feel that He is not helping you. That is a very common thing for people to do. But what they fail to do is look at their life and see what and where the problem is. For one you need to get over the past or at least the use of the past as an excuse for your sinfulness. If you treat people badly that is sinful and if you are sinning then it is separating you from God. He has not moved, He has not changed, but He demands that you do. Let me show you what I mean:

(1 John 3:10 NIV) This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother.

(1 John 4:19-21 NIV) [19] We love because he first loved us. [20] If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. [21] And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

See my point? You say you are a Christian, yet you admit you treat people badly. This is not right. When you stand before God you will stand there alone. The people who have hurt you in the past will not stand beside you so that you can point at them and the people, if any, whom you have hurt won't be able to point at you. We will all answer for what we have done. If anything, your past should make you more caring about people, because you know what it feels like. That is the love that God gives His children.

I know what I am talking about. As I am sure you know I was a Deputy Sheriff. Well two guys on my old department were killed not long ago. They caught the guy who did it. At first I hated him, but God spoke to my heart and told me to pray for him. I did not want to pray for him, I felt he deserved to die. Well you know what, we all deserve to die and God loves that man just as much as He loves me. Yes what the man did was wrong and yes he deserves to be punished, even up to the death penalty, but God still loves him and wants him to come to know Him and save his soul.

My point is that God loves us all, whether we were just a little bad or totally bad and once we understand that God loved us even though we were sinful we should start to love others and hope and pray that they will come to know God. How can some one come to know God if one of His children treats them badly?

If you have truly given your life to Christ, meaning that you placed your faith in Him as the Son of God, that He died for your sins and then admitted that you have sinned and asked Him to forgive you, then you should love other people.

So here is the bottom line. You need to go to God and ask Him to forgive you for the way you treat other people. Ask Him to give you the love that you should have for them and start living your life that way. You need to read your Bible everyday and pray everyday. But the point is that you need to do what you know is right whether you feel like it or not. God demands obedience. Until you get right with Him, it will seem as if He does not hear you or care. He does hear and does care, but you have to be in the right place for Him to help you.

Get your eyes off of yourself and onto Christ, there is no other way. Suicide will never give you what you want. You think you life sucks, death without Christ will suck even more and it will never end.

God loves you and wants to help you and show you His love, but you have to come to Him humbly and in repentance.

I hope you will.

Ralph

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