I understand what your saying, and I have some serious doubts as to whether a saved and sane man can commit suicide, and go to heaven which I am!!! I knew someone in a church I used to go to, he was successful, I asked the Pastor is he in heaven, answer- once saved always saved. But that verse in cor. is pretty convincing, I am a Temple of the Holy Spirit. So I've heard arguments both ways. I've tried to live the straight life for 35 years, the older I get the harder its getting. So I go to hell for suicide or I go to hell for living a perverted life style. I lose. lately I've started acting weird, staring at men, even in church, Its humiliating, embarrassing, It's like my mind goes off on its own, no control. you wouldn't understand, but the last ten years have been hell! now my second marriage is ending and I've lost all hope. I wasn't meant for this world, I know that. Please Pray for me that I make the right Decision for Christ. I appreciate your honesty and frankness, I needed that, you gave me something to think about. I know theres still something in me that wants to live but then I ask why torture my self. trying to be something I'm not. you know what I mean? God bless you and your ministry! good bye.
My response is in Green:
I take it that you are in a very emotionally stressful time right now. This is one of the points in your life when Satan is going to attack hard. I will make a couple of assumptions from reading your message. The first is that you love the Lord and have confessed your sins and have Jesus Christ as your Savior. If I am wrong, then this is the first step to the freedom you want. If I am right, then that is taken care of and I think I can help you. Well not me, but I think I can point you in the right direction.
I will tell you that I wish I could believe in once saved always saved, but there are just too many passages in scripture which say that is not true. So that is the first thing, suicide is not an option for you. So that brings us to the second part. You said you have tried to live a straight life for 35 years. I praise God that you have not given up, but in the same breath I will tell you that it is now time to give up. Keep reading, I have not lost my mind. When I say it is time to give up I mean that it is time to give this to the Lord and admit that you are unable to handle it yourself.
Let me explain. You may have read my testimony but if not, I will give you the very short version. I grew up in a Christian home, but when I went into the Marine Corps, I walked away from my faith. I did not quit believing, but I quit following. I wanted to live my way. I did live my way for a little over 20 years, and then God got a hold of me and I came back to Him. However, I had sins that I just could not seem to stop committing. I would pray and repent and sure enough I would go back and do the same thing over and over again. I prayed that God would help me overcome this problem, but it just didn't seem to work. One day I was reading my Bible and praying and I just gave up. I told God that He knew I wanted to stop but that I was not able to. I told Him that if He wanted me to live a holy life, then He was going to have to do it for me because I could not do it myself. I told Him that I was willing for Him to take complete control of my life, because I knew I could not control it myself.
Let me give you a passage of scripture which illustrates what I am talking about: (Romans 6:16-18 NIV)  Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey-- whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?  But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted.  You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.
Notice that we are never set free to control our own lives. We are either a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness. That is what most people don't understand. I did not understand it. God will never help you take control of your own life, He wants control and either you give it to Him or you remain a slave to sin. That does not mean you are not saved, it means that your sinful nature is still in control.
This is not talked about much anymore, but it is what the Bible calls sanctification. This is when we are freed from the bondage of sin and God takes control of our lives. I will tell you that I have never felt such freedom as I did when I finally gave up and let God have control of my life.
Here is another passage that deals with this: (Romans 8:1-8 NIV)  Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,  because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.  For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man,  in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.  Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.  The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;  the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so.  Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
Notice in verse 6 Paul tells us that the mind controlled by the Spirit is life! God will help you, but you have to be willing to give complete control to Him. Admit that you can't do it. There truly is victory in Jesus. Believe me I still struggle with temptation, but it is different now. Before the temptation over took me like a giant wave. I would get caught up in it and swept away. I felt like I had no control, I could not resist. But now, it is like I see the wave coming and I just quickly pray that God will deliver me and He does.
I am sure what I am saying sounds easy and in a way it is, but in a way it is very hard too. It is hard for us as humans to let go and give God everything. I know I thought I had for years, but now I know that I had kept back a little bit of control and that is where my weakness was. I am not capable of controlling my life. I am no longer embarrassed to admit that. I now have freedom in Christ and have never been happier.
I will pray for you. If you feel like talking more, please feel free to write. I won't post anything you send me.
E-Mail Ralph (Whose comments are in green)